Perfect Imperfections

Perfect Imperfections



This little girl grew up in a disfunctional family
with their oh so disfunctional ways..
Days spent making wishes and dreaming up dreams
that her uglyness will be taken away.


Children poked fun at her outward appearance
calling her relentless, cruel, degrading names.
Staining her self esteem. Pushing her to solitude.
Viewing her life ahead as useless, unwanted, insane.


Her mother kept her locked up inside the house
to protect her daughter from lifes cruelty.
Hiding her away from anymore disappointment.
Doing whats best, or so she believed.


No longer a little girl but now a grown woman
she still lives her days in fear..
The gasping and shrilling passerbys will make.
Once again, the naughty names she will hear.


Daring, one sunny day, she ventured into the village
to visit the busy, crowded markets.
Hiding her face beneath her self made shaw.
Her obstinate grip, holding so desperately to it.


Easing her tension as she trusts in her disguise
she enjoys being amongst the ones so ignorant.
Never would they believe a hideous monster
had been shopping right within their distance.


Eyeing a magnificent necklace. Holding close to her neck.
Imagining herself a glorious Princess.
For once, a smile is captured on her pale skinned face.
For once, she didnt feel so worthless.


Caught off guard, still entranced in her illusions,
a passerby randomly bumps her shoulder.
Not noticing at all that her shaw did fall
for she was distracted and a little bewildered.


This stranger was in no hurry to flee from her
yet stood there with a smile in his eyes.
Breaking out in nervous sweats, she fought for calm.
Her body and mind made no compromise.


The young man standing before her stares at her shaw
and after a few moments, comes to him, a thought.
He then, mutely, points down at his arms
showing he's well covered. Also shielded by cloth.


No need to put their feelings to words
for their eyes spoke it abundantly.
They both were born unacceptable in their worlds.
A world where society was ruled by vanity.


They parted ways and went back to their abodes
so enamoured with the eyes of a stranger.
Not able to wait for their next random date
he builds up the courage to see her..


Wrapped up inside his well protecting cloth
he approaches her well hidden home ..
Noticing the signs on her property read
''beware, 'tis where the monster roams''.


Empathetic is he to what her life must be
as he practices what he will say at her door.
Perhaps silence will be the better option here
after all, his actions can say so much more.


She sees him from her bedroom window
watching him nervously shuffle his feet..
Wondering how he had found her home
and what he could possible happen to seek.


She cautiously opens the door to outside
 Using her shaw to conceal the unsightly.
Without hesitation or reservations
she approaches and asks him outrightly..


''What business do you have in this part of the land?''
The tone in her voice attempting to deter him.''
''I come searching for the most beautiful woman around.
The most unique beauty found from within''.


''You dont understand what it is that you seek''.
She said to him with complete certainty.
''Underneath all of the rags and yarn
 lies an ugly beast or so they've rightfully named me''.


With hearing her words he removes his robe
revealing the scales along his skin..
''You see my lady, I completely understand
and will kindly remind you again..


I am here in search of the fairest of maidens
and alas I have laid my eyes upon her.
You, my dear, take my breath away
and the butterflies in my stomach you stir''.


With worry to disappoint and rejection
she removes her shaw from her figure.
Closing her eyes to not see his reaction.
Silence fell and for a second they linger.


She opens her eyes to see unexpected
surprise among his adoring face..
Not once did he flinch at her hag-like features
but stood perfectly in his place.


Not, did he notice that her eyes were
different shades of muddy water.
That her back hunched like a creature.
Nor did he notice the caluses and her scars.


Instead he saw the most breathtaking beauty
standing before him baring all..
Expecting her comely appearance would scare him away
but she was wrong and so in love they fall.


Where others see a hunchback woman
he sees the angel of his dreams..
and where they see a deformed old hag
he sees what really lies inbetween.


No matter how beautiful you are outwardly
there is no hiding your flaws or mistakes..
For beauty is measured deep within yourself.
A genuine personality you simply cant fake.


So next time some imbecile does mention
just how ugly they think you to be outside.
Just feel comfort within yourself to know
that they've got the ugly you simply cant hide.


A. Joleigh

Lost (poem)

LOST


My eyes cry many oceans,
The weeping violin plays my heart.
It all comes crashing down around me
whenever we are apart.

I long to see your eyes
and the looks upon your face.
I miss the way our lives were lived
with no knowledge of time nor space.

My skin shivers in anxiety,
my fingers hunger for your soul.
Without having your body around me
everything around me seems so cold.

Electric pains eat up my spine
at the thought of you being so far.
Scared to death that my mental self
will damage everything we are.

I cant eat nor sleep nor think anymore
because in mind, you are everywhere.
Tossing 'n' turning in my empty bed
waking, only to see that you're not there.

One day I love you and the next.. I hate you.
I cant make up my minds.
On one side I cant live without you,
and with the other, myself i need to find.

Crying, screaming and dying inside
I feel my soul deminish..
For once in my life I'd like to find
one thing that I can finish.

Fears consume me and my love ruins me
and then at last Im trapped
by my own desires and mind of a coward
only to find my mind has snapped.

I beg of you your forgiveness
and pray that you understand
that these things I cannot control.
They are completely out of my hands.

Only the amazing person that you are
will see the real person I can be
but only to have to live life in hell
to try to save this girl in me.

It pains me more that you have to see
whats going on inside my head.
Some days I feel Im on cloud nine
and others, i live numb. Im living dead.

Please try to understand more
about what is going on with me.
See that there are times that come
where I just need to be set free.

I ache always and I weep outloud
hoping someone out there will hear
that im begging, sobbing for help
for a chance at life I once held dear.



----A.Joleigh

Grande Love

Grande Love

She remains awake in the lonely nights
with thoughts of him playing there beside her.
With all of the ''what ifs'', the ''mights'',
the ''maybes'' and the passion in which she moliors.

Uncertain is the future and what it beholds.
 She hangs on unyieldingly to her illusions.
Fairy tale is her life, a hopeless story never told.
A novel in the making. Gradeur are her delusions.

She sits solemnly at her Baby Grande piano
strumming her fingers along the black and whites.
Thinking about the parts of love she'll never know
because of her troubles that deligate her life.

Shes loved him from afar for so many years
too insecure to tell him what lies in her heart.
 Many times shes hindered by her own fears.
 Resulting from life's unpleasantness, exists her rampart.

The music pours through her soul and into the keys
speaking for her emotions and her pain.
Hearing the notes replacing her own words and pleas
once having played them to never be heard again.

 Years pass her by as she resides beside the Grande
still speaking her thoughts through her melodies.
Muscially and inspirationally the piano takes her hand
guiding her frailness to and fro from what, in her, it sees.

The beautiful Grande is now the love of her life
replacing the man who once held her admiration.
The man who's ''Grande'' was his own whistling fife.
The fife who distracted him more with dedication.

There was no competing with the lovers of music
as they only trust their instruments faithful.
A time when life seems to incredibly tragic
can be transformed to make life seem a bit mirthful.

Her baby Grande so sympathetic to her woes
has eternally been there along side her.
Through the burning summers and the wintery snows
they play together and flaming spirits incur.

Potential suitors come and go through the revolving doors
but none stay around just long enough
to find out just how amazing this little woman is
and find out exactly what it is shes made of.

''But, it is okay,'' she tells herself again and again.
Encouraging her lonely heart to stay strong.
and never having to hear to herself explain
why there is loneliness and where she had gone wrong.

So day by day for the rest of her poetic life
she will forever remain on her bench and play
along with her beautiful Grande piano
in hopes of a true love that might come her way..


----A.Joleigh

...and so they danced

...and so they danced


His frail wrinkled hand shivers
as he cautiously lays it on top of his wife's.
Not wanting to disturb the sleep,
of the most unforgettable love of his life.

Barely able to open her eyes to see
yet able to feel his tender touch.
She smiles with a sigh and tries to reply
with how she yearns for him so much.

A deep heavy sleep she drifts back to
 as he examines the needles in her arm.
Wishing so badly that he could save her.
Saving her from any more potential harm.

Reminiscent his daydreams now become
remembering the first day that they had met.
Once only a waitress in a small cafe
and now a woman he'll never forget.

Looking back on the good times that they have had
in the past wonderful fifty years..
The times of love making, laughing and fighting
making life for them more precious and dear.

At the end of their routine like days
he would turn on their favorite song
and pick her up into his arms
and kindly ask her to dance along.

And so they danced into the sunsets
never looking away from one another..
Wanting to make that single moment last.
Wanting to dance this dance forever..

Anniversaries pass and their children have grown.
Still, as the day ends, he turns off the lights..
letting the music help him sweep her away
along with him into an unforgettable night ..

The beeping on the monitors awaken him
from the days of life uncomplicated..
Wishing that there was some sacrifice to make.
Determined to fight this for her, so dedicated..

He rolls over to her on the hospital bed
running his fingers through her thin grey hair..
Whispering a tune, a tune from their song
hoping to sooth her thoughts in there..

Removing the tubes to the side of her face,
 kisses on her eyes and nose, he plants.
''My love, My darling, My Ginger Rogers,
may I have this one last dance?''.

With all the strength she has inside
she raises her hand up to his own
and right where they lay their hands do sway
giving her a feeling of home..

His quivering mouth rests next to her ears
as he hums still, to her, their tune.
Knowing that deep down within himself
she will be leaving him behind very soon..

Mumbling, she begins, to him and says
''My love, my darling, my Fred Astaire,
don't be saddened at my time near at hand.
Just remember Ill always be there..

When you feel the room become lonely
and you feel the need to prance.
Feel free to take me along with you
to share our ever lasting, never forgotten, first dance.''

A. Joleigh

Daywishes

Gazing across the vineyards and into the setting sun
inamoured at the colors beaming off the clouds..
Nothing like it is this warm Tuscany afternoon
listening to the breeze blow by and the birds chirp aloud..

She lounges in her cushioned white wicker chair
enjoying her warm red wine and brie
feeling the wind whip through her raven hair
as the grass sways along her bare feet..

Closing her eyes, letting the aroma of the wine
soak into her perceptive taste buds
Allowing her mind to become familiar of memories
from long ago of her lost Italian love..

Although they've never met, the dream of him
is reality to her eager, thriving body.
Simply closing her eyes and being swept away
she feels his fingers run along her face softly.

She falls into a deep sleep amongst orange rays of light
imagining, wishing and hoping to feel his touch
immersing deep into herself, her fantasies,
of what she has craved for, cried long for, so much..

Suddenly in the back of her driftly mind
she hears a mans voice begin to speak
her body, paralyzed, begins to tingle
and her legs begin to shake and grow weak...

She opens her day dreaming eyes and
gazes up to see this man standing before her.
Tall, broad, dark and handsome is this stranger
that only in her dreams had she laid eyes on before..

Not saying a word he kneels down by her side
as tears well up in his big hazel eyes..
He runs his big strong hands through her hair
as they both let out their flustered sighs..

His forefinger runs underneath her puffy eyes
gently drying up her tears that flow..
Not tears of sadness or disappointment
but the ones welling up inside her soul.

He takes her by her delicate hands
and carefully guides her to the shore.
Lost forever in her stargazing eyes
wanting to leave her never more.

The sun has set upon the raging sea
as they dig their toes into the sand.
Two heads leaning up on the others
hoping this moment will never end.

 As their lips lock and become as one
their souls begin to mesh together
wishing what they've always dreamed
will one day  be theirs forever.

The night is long as they stare at the sky
fingers intertwined with one another.
Taking turns wishing upon the Northern Star
to remain , forever, as passionate lovers.

As morning comes she rolls over to her side
and sees that it was all a dream..
No footsteps. No impressions. No sign at all
of her soul mate ever having been at the scene..

She drags her nails along the grains of sand,
sobbing, her mind trying to comprehend
just how something , someone so amazing
can so abruptly come to an end.

She lays her face onto the cool shells below
watching the tide rise to her slowly
Shedding the tears that her heart is making
wanting to relive that moment so holy..

She gets up and walks sadly to her wicker chair
and sits down with her face in her hands
looking down at her painted toes on the ground
and the way the drops of water, on her feet, land.

The oceans breeze sends chills through her skin
as she tries to find a way back to her dream.
To be with the man that she was mean to be with
and all the perfections and emotions that seemed

to have had forcefully taken a hold of her spirit
and had sent her heart and soul in flight.
That one special moment in time
that one sensational and unforgettable night.

She wipes away her saddened tears
as she gets up on her feet once more
choosing to walk one day at a time
along the very spot they shared on the shore..

She believes and prays deep down in her heart
that somewhere out there he, too,
is dreaming of his long lost 'donna'
and one day will be embracing her soon.

-----A. Joleigh

Tap Dancer (poem)

The Tapper and His Swan

So sleek and smooth his feet do glide
along the floor beneath him..
His eyes close as he feels the musics beat
guiding his soul in rhythm..

Deaf and dumb this dancer was born
but lucky, he felt, was he..
That although he couldnt hear or speak
his deep blue eyes could see..

He taps alone in his empty home
and taps amongst the crowds..
He taps his feet whilst he drinks and cooks
and as he laughs out loud..

Then one day,into his life, came a
swan so beautiful and slinder..
Her satin skin and long ebony hair
draping along her figure..

His heart stops and his eyes begin to tear
for this tap dancer had everything to fear..
He has no voice to use in wooing..
no sweet nothings for her ears to hear..

Years go by as they both only see
one another from a distance..
To shy and scared of what couldnt be
but very aware of the others existance..

Sharing nervous glances and flirting expressions
as they dance around the floor..
They build up the courage to dance a little closer
and perhaps, by chance , a little more..

He sees in her eyes a new welcoming look
that he had never seen there before..
After all these years, could it possibly be?
This he could no longer ignore..

Courage consumes him as he cant wait any longer
to approach his beautiful swan..
Eager to tap his way into her heart
 letting her know she's, irrefutably, the one..

He carefully approaches and once he arrives
he looks passionately into her eyes..
She waits eagerly to hear what he has to say..
but no words come forward but alas to her surprise......

The tapper begins to tap a javanaise´ dance
and his eyes begin to shimmer..
Anxious that his swan will not understand
and that his silence will deter her..

Her head tilts to the side wondering why
this man before her is dancing..
when all the other prospects used
alluring words in their romancing..

For once , by a man, impressed she was
to see his love expressed so true..
So much passion and heartfelt romance
proven in a single clicking of his shoe..

She watched him tap in circles
around her ballerina stance..
Bringing a delighted smile to her face
by this charming illuminating tappers dance..

She floats over to him on her tippy toes
and gently grabs his collar..
Pulling him closer to her dainty curves
resting her hands on his shoulder..

Eager to speak of the rushing emotions
she has held inside for so long....but
she sees hesitation hiding in his eyes
and softly asks him what is wrong?

His shoulders fall and he shakes his head
slowly saying to himself inside
''how can such a beauty love someone like me''
and his soul begins to cry..

He turns away before he can see the
disappointment in her eyes..
She runs to him and twirls him around
with a smiling face and not ready for goodbyes..

The swan realizes now what this
silent man was trying to tell her..
That even though he cant speak or hear
his dancing can prove he loves her..

Her heart gasps ,yet no pity in sight as
she grabs his face with both hands..
Kissing his lips for the very first time
knees begin to weaken right where they stand.

She takes his hand and starts to sway
moving his body along with her own..
Showing him that words and sound mean nothing
when rythm of two hearts dance together as one..

---A. Joleigh

Fragile Hearts (poem)

Fragile Hearts


Pitch black darkness consumes his sight
and his stomach turns to mush.
Hearing the screaming in that horrible night
not knowing which direction to push.

Searching frantically within himself
hoping to find some truthful answers
as to why she does what she does to him
and why has she tried to desert them.

Beating his fists against the cement walls
crying and screaming aloud.
Begging her to see what shes doing to him.
Shes his great undefeated Nimbus cloud

that circles around him wherever he goes.
Teasing him with promises of sunlight.
Only to drown him again in her shadows
pouring down the rain on that dreary night.

Punching the pillows he hyperventilates
while his soul cries out in pain.
Being washed away by the distrust shes shown
and never able to believe him again.

He apologizes and begs forgiveness
but he fights not knowing where to go.
He never knew pain could feel this bad
as the dying love is so dreadfully slow.

Fetal position is how he rests now
as he weeps into the damp cold sheets.
Streaming his shaking hands along the fibers
of the very place where his love use to sleep.

Drying his eyes with the shirt she's forgotten
when she packed up all her stuff and ran.
With no idea of when she'll return
or if they'll have a chance for them again.

Tormented inside he's breaking apart
to try to find some way to forgive
the anguish he's caused inside her heart
where once laid her reason to live.

Friends come and go and families move away
but for once in his ventured life
he felt he had found the secret , the way,
the soulmate, the lover, the wife

that could make him so incredibly happy
and live life full of love and laughter..
But now after all that has been said and done
he says farewell to their happily after..

He will love her for eternity and then some
and never forget what they once were
and will always have the memories and dreams.
To forget never, but to remember, he'd prefer..

Although its tough and incredibly distraught
and feels like lifes at its end.
He will forever be grateful for what they were.
Always soulmates, once lovers...best friends..

A.Joleigh

Introduction to the Novel Im writing ''Nadia''

Waking up to blood stained fingernails, and claw marks along her face, Nadia soon finds she has been imprisoned on an island inside of Alchem's Asylum, much older than she remembers. She screams a loud as a voice within her mind speaks to her, letting her know she is not alone. Her chest throbs and tears shed as she uses her fingers to tear into her head. Being forced to take a back seat in her own mind, Nadia soon witnesses the demon take over, leaving broken bodies in its path, seducing bastardly men, and leaving them lifeless. Thriving off of chaos and mania, it becomes unstoppable. In the journey to discover a cure for her sanity, Nadia is willing to do anything to regain control over her soul. Unfortunately, the only person to ever care for her would be the person she would have to kill to survive. 

 

Goodbyes

Listen to the thunder in my heart.
Witness the rain fall from my eyes.
Smell the fear that I hold in my hands
after hearing you say your goodbyes.

From the moment when we first met
I knew my life would never be the same.
The tender touch of your hand on my face.
The way your voice whispered my name.

Memories like these will never cease.
Although, I will try and hide them away
Nightmares of that awful night when you left.
The night I begged you to stay.

Crying and crawling on the floor at your feet.
Hoping my pitiful state would keep you close.
Fighting and screaming with no understanding,
''Why, oh, Why is this happening to me!''

That last moment,
seeing your back facing me,
I'll never forget you not turning around.
My heart was in your hand as you walked away.
My spirit breaking being the only sound.

I close my eyes to listen for your steps to return.
Praying you will change your mind.
Be my lover, my friend, my soulmate forever.
Never another man like you will I find.

Seconds pass since you left my position.
Feeling like its been for many a week.
Will you ever come back home to me
or will it be another life that you seek.

Hours, Days, Months and Years may go by
but I will never forget how you smelled.
The spicey sweetness of your gentle skin
and your neck where my face once dwelled.

I have faith we will be together one day.
That day cannot come soon enough.
I never knew that losing the man I love
would make life so unbearably rough.

I stand strong, wise and vigilant
and others help me look for the day
when we will all be a spiritual family again
no matter what troubles come our way.

Til then, my love, I live and laugh
and hope one day I will wake up surprised
to find that we have gone fastforward through this lifetime
a time where there are no more goodbyes.

---A. Joleigh